Hi, sweet friends. I’ve wanted to check in with you, but every time this stay at home mom sits down to write…well, I don’t.
I could blame it on the baby or the toddler or the 5 year old. The husband, the dog, the dishes or the laundry. The zoom calls, the “homeschooling.”
But, that’s not it.
I haven’t written because my feelings change from one moment to the next. By the time I excavate them from my heart and onto the page, I’ll be onto the next fleeting feeling, my keyboard unable to keep up.
And so, I haven’t started – until now.
My emotions are messy. What begins as hopeful before sunrise, dissolves into fear by lunchtime. Shock and confusion fill my afternoons, and loneliness descends on me each evening.
What’s shocked me the most, though, is the loneliness that this lockdown and new social distancing reality has provoked.
A stay at home mom is no strangers to isolation. On any given weekday, the homes in our neighborhood are their own islands, closed off from the outside. But inside, we are all moms cutting crusts off sandwiches, battling nap times, shushing rowdy, overtired toddlers and praying for a moment to herself to think, to breathe.
The moments of connection between moms of little ones are quick and unremarkable.
It’s a knowing smile and a “hello” on our way into preschool. It’s holding a door for the mama who’s 2 year old has collapsed on the ground and won’t get up. It’s unfinished sentences at the park and interrupted stories at the birthday party.
I’m missing those moments.
What once felt commonplace, suddenly feels more like a lifeline.
From the outside, everyday life doesn’t look that much different now. There are still crusts to cut, nap times to battle and toddlers to shush. Our lives revolve around our homes and our people inside them, as they always have.
But, life sure does feel different.
There is a void where the monotonous pickups, drop offs, playdates, and birthday parties used to be. There is 6 feet of space where there used to be a quick embrace and there are days and days stretched out before me.
I’m not exactly sure how life will change when this is all said and done.
What I do know, though, is that I will let those unremarkable moments fill me up. I won’t take them for granted, knowing now they are the difference between being alone and being isolated.
I’m extra thankful for this space and online mama community. So, THANK YOU to all of you…
XO
Find more posts about the everyday joys and struggles of mom life here!
April 2nd, 2020 at 9:29 am
Suzanne, I resonate with everything you are saying / writing. I love your honest shares via the blog or social media. It makes me feel a little less lonely. I thank you from heart for sharing your experiences with us and making us all feel a little less alone.
April 2nd, 2020 at 8:52 pm
well spoken. I know both stay at home Moms and working Moms have their challenges but this new literal “STAY AT HOME MOM” title has me thrown. I’m off my game. My 4.5 year old knows it, she’s smart enough (and we speak of the virus daily) but she knows staying in our house for 3 weeks means something. she misses her friends. she misses her grandparents. she misses school and playgrounds and freedom. my heart aches for her and I pray to God after this mess is over that no damage has been done.
April 15th, 2020 at 6:35 am
Oh, man. I totally get it! Hang in there, mama. Kids are so smart – and resilient! xo
April 2nd, 2020 at 3:39 pm
I’m normally a full time working Mom outside the home. This quarantine has fallen in the middle of my maternity leave with our second child. Today was really hard. I told my husband last night, I would never choose to be a full time stay at home Mom. To some I know that sounds harsh, but this time at home has been so eye opening. I need alone time and the sweet teachers that poor into our kids! What I thought would be a quiet maternity leave with my baby at home and 4 year old in preschool, has turned into homeschooling a 4 year old, panicked he’ll forget all he’s learned before kindergarten, stressed about whether or not to take my kids to their wellness exams and getting off their vaccine schedule, trying to get my 11 week old to nap in a crib, trying to keep up with the house and my elderly parents. My gosh! Of course we’re a roller coaster of emotions!
I’ve read so many quotes and notes meant to inspire and encourage during all of this, but the two that stuck out said “you aren’t meant to be able to do it all. That’s why this is hard.” And that we’re not “stuck at home,” we’re “safe at home.” I hope those help and if nothing else, we’re all here feeling the same feels!! Hugs Momma! We’re all in this together ❤️
April 15th, 2020 at 6:40 am
Oh, man. I totally understand everything you’re saying! I am so sorry your maternity leave has been stolen from you – that is heartbreaking. I love that quote – grace is key. We can’t do it all. I know can feel impossible, but TRY to soak up those sweet baby snuggles. Forget about homeschooling your 4 year old. He’s learning resilience, patience and so many other life skills. The rest will come. Hang in there, mama. <3
April 2nd, 2020 at 4:29 pm
I’ve been so encouraged watching your stories on
IG. At the beginning of this time of isolation, all the influencers I follow asked if we wanted them to continue to share fashion and normal content. I answered yes, and I assume most did, but I’m finding now that I rarely watch anyone’s stories because buying new clothes seems kinda irrelevant right now. However, your stories always resonate with what’s actually happening in my life, and probably every other mom! Thank you for carrying on for your community!
April 15th, 2020 at 6:37 am
Thank you SO much, Betsy! It’s so hard to know how to proceed. I’m trying to provide some support for mamas, while also maybe a little escape. It can be a tough balance, so I truly appreciate your support! xo
April 3rd, 2020 at 10:03 am
thank you.. your depiction of the individual islands of parents and their children each day, really resonates with me.
this pandemic has been a wake up call for me, i want more children. i do not want our two babies (5 & 2) to have to go about this world alone. they need more support, especially after their parents are gone.
thank you for posting, out of all the ladies i follow, you are the most honest and relatable. thank you for your point of view.
April 15th, 2020 at 6:34 am
Awww, I love this, Breanna. Thank you SO much for your support – I truly appreciate it. xo
April 8th, 2020 at 5:09 pm
Thanks for sharing your honest experience, agree that there were so many little things that going forward we hopefully won’t take for granted. Thanks for sharing the home decor pieces, love your coffee table.
April 15th, 2020 at 6:33 am
Thank you so much, Zoe!